I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
