Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
