The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
