Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
