And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
