Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize