Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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