I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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