Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
