i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
that may or may not have been my penis.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
