omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
