i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
