I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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