the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
