Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize