hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
