i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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