They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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