Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
