he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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