k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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