Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
