Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
