Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
