i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
