He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
