Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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