You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Houston, we have a blender
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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