We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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