Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Say something about gay babies.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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