there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
