Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
