Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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