you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
