Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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