Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The best revenge is premature balding
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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