he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
