Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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