HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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