It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
