My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
