I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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