i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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