so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
