Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
