If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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