I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
