Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
