he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
