Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize