If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
