I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
