Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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