I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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