All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
