Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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