My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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