Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
