You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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