Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
